Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Waiting

It's rather a weird coincidence to lose my father on Mother's Day, but it is not ironic, though some who don't really understand the meaning of irony would say it is. Think 90s pop hit "Isn't it Ironic?" and the answer is NO! :-)

Since my sister called me with the sad news early Sunday morning, I have spent much time waiting. Because of work needs, laundry needs, and procrastination (always), I waited until Monday morning to drive to my hometown in East Texas. Once I arrived, we waited for another sister to arrive at the funeral home so we could make the arrangements. Last night, I waited until I couldn't wait any longer to leave my brother's to go to my sister's to sleep. This morning, I waited until 9:00 to get off the computer that I had been on since before 7:00 and get ready to go make decisions on a casket spray this morning. Now, I am waiting for my sister to decide to drive to a nearby town to do some shopping. Oddly enough, I'm also waiting to feel mournful about my dad's passing. An old friend called me yesterday to offer his condolences, and I told him that I was okay because Dad had not been well for a while, and I really am okay. Still I should feel sadder. Shouldn't I?

Anyway, we finished making the arrangements this morning, and now we have to wait for another twenty-four hours to pass before the visitation, then another night spent waiting for the funeral on Thursday morning. Right now, I'm feeling just a bit impatient. If work wasn't four hours away, I might have gone to work today. I am doing a bit of work now. Between blogging thoughts, I'm grading some papers that I have procrastinated (again, always) on too long.

Mostly, though, I am waiting on the eulogy muse to strike me. I volunteered to write my dad's eulogy. I wrote my mom's when she died a few years ago, but I didn't read it at the service. This time, I volunteered to read what I write, and I want to write something good. So, I'm waiting and hoping the muse strikes soon and with force.

I guess I should try to grade some more papers now. Since most of tomorrow will be spent waiting, I'm sure that I will blog some more later.

3 comments:

Penny said...

Kim,
As I know a little bit about waiting for the muse to strike . . . and about panicking in wait of it (my mother calls this syndrome the imp of the perverse), let me just say one thing that works for me . . . no guarrantees o'course: if you can get a quiet place, that's very dark, it helps me just to sit and let my mind wander. Not to think. Just to be quiet. I know this may not help, and sometimes suggestions are the LAST thing a person needs in the way of help. I do understand . . . just try not to push yourself to anything. Trust yourself. You already know what you want to say.

One more thing: I wanted to send something. What is the funeral home?

Love,
Pen

Peace Be, Clint-Michael ... said...

Kim,

Own your feelings - you know what you feel you shouldn't worry about whether or not you should or shouldn't feel a certain way. You are feeling the way you should at this very minute - what is right for you.

I'm wishing you blessings & peace.

Love you,
Clint-Michael

SassyFemme said...

Oh Kim, I'm so sorry for you loss. No matter whether parents have been sick or not, or whether it's expected or not, it's still a loss that hurts. You asked if you should feel sadder. Sometimes it doesn't happen when the loss happens, it might happen slightly later or much later, or maybe not at all. It doesn't matter what you THINK you should be feeling, just be however you are. Hugs...