Sunday, August 21, 2005

Good Feelings

I'm not sure how to write this post. I'm not sure I've ever written a positive work-related post. This past week, the first full week of classes, was actually a good week for me. It wasn't perfect (see Valerie's post from 8/17 for proof of imperfections), but at the end of each day, I found myself thinking, with some surprise, that I had had a good day. I have been trying very hard to be positive about my students, the school, and administration. The last one is the hardest. If I'm honest, I do feel that there is a black cloud of repression and distrust floating over the school. I just tried very hard not to let it affect me this week. Maybe I was just too busy being a better teacher than I have been in several years and did not had time to pay close attention to the negative. All week, I kept telling my students that I'm there to help them if/when they need it, and this year, I actually believe myself. I'm not sure what's happened. Maybe believing that this is my last year as a classroom teacher helps me to focus on the positive more. I'm not looking forward and seeing year after year of the same old drudgery. I'm seeing some light at the end of the tunnel. I'm seeing opportunities for a more fulfilling work life.

Although I had a good week, I feel kind of guilty that others, like Valerie, didn't have a good week. I've been such a complainer and a whiner for the last year and a half that I feel like I don't deserve to have good days, especially when Valerie and others who have tried to be positive in light of my negativity have bad days. Of course, if my life works the way it has in the past, our fortunes will switch back to normal soon. For now though, I will enjoy the good feelings at work and about work.

Before I go to bed, I have to tell the first Devil's Bitch story of the school year. Wednesday at lunch, a group of us were chatting and enjoying our food. We had had our first advisory period meetings that morning and the conversation centered around our new experiences. The DB decided to tell us what she had told her advisory class. I don't remember how she prefaced the story, but it was intended to make us ask her to tell this story about a teacher she had. After she made her opening remark (damn, I wish I could remember what she said), she just sat there expecting us to ask her to tell us the story. No one said a word, not one word. I'm not sure anyone even looked up from their lunches. Of course, instead of just letting it drop, she had to tell us that we were supposed to ask her to tell the story. A couple of people said something like, "DB please don't tell us the story." She just laughed and told her story--I can't believe how blind some people are. We really didn't want to hear her story. During the story, even two of the nicest, most Christian of our English teachers, were making faces and making little comments. DB was oblivious to it all. She thought we were teasing her because we like her and her stories. She just told her story with gusto and left, I'm sure, feeling like she had really entertained us. How sad! And how funny!!!!! I loved it.

So, I guess I will go to bed now. I bought a new book today that I want to read more of before I sleep. Of course, I didn't need a new book since I have many books already waiting in line to be read. I have to find some time this week to work on my writing. I have this great idea for an essay about why I read so much. Maybe I will get home early enough this week to walk and write and read. If so, I'm sure I will have another good week.


Valerie said...

I think it went like this:

DB leads into her story. Stops. Waits for encouragement from everyone in the room.

Silence. Everyone stares into their food.

DB says, "Don't you all want to hear my story?"

A chorus of "No"s can be heard for miles.

DB continues with her story anyway.

Story sucks. No one laughs. Nice older teachers make snide comments and roll eyes.

Other co-worker follows with her own well-told, funny school story. Every one laughs.


Valerie said...

And, don't feel guilty about having a good week. I'm glad you are having a good week!