Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Unexpected Bad Feelings

As soon as I stepped inside my apartment tonight, I felt like I could just sit down and bawl for hours. I wasn't expecting to feel that way at all. I had not felt that way before I walked through my door. I had not even felt that way this morning when I learned that I had to spend some of my prep time today in a committee meeting, which ended up lasting over two hours. Although my eyes were brimming with tears, I didn't cry. I'm not sure why. After all, no one would have seen or heard me crying, since I live alone. I think I didn't cry because I had no shoulder to cry on, no one to tell my sob story to. I really needed someone to come home to tonight. I haven't felt this lonely in a very long time. Most of the time I really enjoy my solitude. However, for some reason tonight, once I left work, I just felt really sad. I'm sure work stress is the root cause, and I believe things will get better. I have been really trying not to whine and complain about all the chaos at work. I have helped people even when I needed to be helping myself. I am truly trying to make the best of things. I think my optimistic facade is fading though.

Maybe tomorrow night, I will get home early enough to relax, drink a glass of wine, and use my new watercolors and/or go for a swim. (If I had someone to swim with, I would go get in the pool right now.) Maybe painting something will make me feel better and help me finish this damn poem that I can't seem to finish. I think I've been working on it off and on almost all summer.

Okay, now I have to go to bed so I can be a teacher tomorrow.


Peace Be, Clint-Michael ... said...

I wish you a successful year Kim. I really hope this year is better than last.

Love you,

Kim said...

Thanks CM. I hope this year is my best and last year teaching.

Peace Be, Clint-Michael ... said...

Hugs will be provided along with one, two or five drinks... that is a must!
Love you.