Where is my America?

Let me begin by saying that I am a cynic, especially where politics and politicians are concerned. Still, for a while now, I have been feeling like the America I have always believed in has been hijacked and not by the terrorists who attacked this country on 9/11.

Tuesday morning, listening to NPR, as I got dressed for work, I heard a report about the Supreme Court taking up the issue of the constitutionality of the military tribunals at Guantanamo Bay. From the beginning, I have not been comfortable with the whole situation of holding people there indefinitely. So I wasn't surprised that I don't agree with the president's argument in this case, and those who know me in real life won't be surprised either. However, as I sat listening to the reporter talk about how the Justice Dept. was defending the president's position as judge, jury, executioner, and oversight manager (I can't think of a better term here), I just started saying to myself--and probably out loud--Where is my America? The America that sets the example for other countries.

Apparently the president believes that because these people are considered terrorists, they have no rights, and in dealing with them, we don't have to obey the rules of the Geneva convention . My America would say that even though others don't play by the rules, we will because we have integrity. How can we be a country that prides itself on the ideal of a fair trial for everyone? Hearsay evidence, secret evidence, accuser who don't have to face the accused--none of this sounds American. An even bigger concern of mine is that few Americans even see the hypocrisy in the situation. Few Americans even care that our president has a domestic wiretapping program. I'm not naive. I'm very worried about the future of this country as a republic/democracy.

When I have these feelings, it's nice to know that I'm not alone. Others see the things I do and feel as concerned. If you are one of the few like me, you should read Anne Lamott's "Let's have a revolution! Does July 14 work for you?" at Salon.com. It says exactly what I have tried to say but in a much more interesting and entertaining way. If you decide to join her revolution, let me know. Maybe we can carpool. :-)

Now it's late and I have to get some sleep.

Updike and Reading Memories

A few weeks ago, Valerie and I saw John Updike read two of his early short stories. I had fully intended to write a detailed account of his reading, but I didn’t do it that night, didn’t take any notes, and have slept too much since then (read procrastinated as usual).

Here are a few memories of the reading. Updike is an old man, tall, angular, and rather stiff. However, his voice is not angular or stiff. I felt like I could listen to him read to me every night. After he read his two short stories, he was interviewed onstage by an English professor from Rice University. During the interview, Updike seldom made eye contact with the professor. He only made eye contact with the audience or something just above our heads. The professor’s interview was a waste of time for the most part.

The questions that he asked were the kind of questions that a literature scholar might ask, not the kind of questions that reading fans might ask. Even when he did ask good questions, the professor tried to put answers in Updike's mouth. I can remember only one of them right now (maybe Valerie will read this and remind of one or two more). He asked what authors Updike read. Before Updike could name even one, the professor offered John Barth and at least two other authors, but I can't recall the others. I do remember thinking that Updike tried to be cooperative, but the authors' names didn't seem to be the ones that Updike might have listed. I do remember another question now.

The first question was something like who Updike thought of as contemporaries. Before he could even name one author, the professor offered Saul Bellow and another as being in an earlier generation, then the professor asked about Phillip Roth. Updike said that Roth would be his contemporary but didn't seem to be about to elaborate on their relationship, professional or personal. The professor spent the next few minutes trying to get Updike to talk about Roth's work--completely irrelevant and a bit rude if you ask me. Then he tried to get Updike to talk about Joyce Carol Oates. It was obvious from Updike's replies that he isn't a huge fan of Oates' work. He said something like she was persistent. The interview was only interesting and so much livelier when the professor picked up the stack of audience questions. Although the questions were typical, they gave Updike the opportunity to offer some genuine answers. After the reading, Updike signed books, and he was friendly in doing so.

Before seeing Updike, combing my bookshelf to find the two books (the limit) that I would have him sign, I found my copy of The Witches of Eastwick. It is just an old, pulp fiction copy, so I chose not to take it. I did, however, spend some time considering the purchase of a new copy to get him to sign. I think it's the first novel of his that I ever read. I remember that my mother read it first and told me how good it was. (I'm sure the movie was coming out around that time.) I read it before I saw the movie, and I liked it as much as my mother did. Since then, I have been a fan of Updike's work.

When my mother passed away four years ago, I lost a book club. Since the Updike reading, I have been thinking about her and our shared reading experiences. When I took graduate literature classes, she would be as interested as I was in the novels for my courses. Often, she would read them before I did. If she didn't read them first, she read them when I finished the book or the course. When I visited her or she visited me, she always wanted to know what I was reading. Many times, I have purchased a book and loaned it to her to read before I found the time to read it. After I had finished the book, we would discuss it at length the next time we were together. I miss sharing books with my mother. I miss our book sharing almost as much as I miss her presence.

I will stop now before I become maudlin. I think I will go to bed and read for a while. Good night all.

Time for Bed

So, I worked my ass off all day, until almost 7:00p.m., and only did about three things on my very lengthy to do list. Argh!!! Where does the time go?

I was going to do two things when I got home tonight--after 9:00--but I didn't complete either of those things. One site that I wanted to access is going to be down until 10:30 PST, and I'm not staying for two more hours (I think that's the time difference). Now, it's too late to finish the other thing. I guess I will go to bed and read.

Before I go, I have to say something about the most recent book that I have read, The Final Solution by Michael Chabon. I read this book in only two days! Yes, I can't believe I read a book that fast either. Okay, the book was very short, about 130 pages including illustrations. Still, I read that book fast, for me. After being called in to assist the police, an elderly beekeeper, Sherlock Holmes (unnamed) solves the mystery. For the most part, the book was an entertaining, little mystery novel. However, the next to last chapter, which is narrated from perspective of the stolen parrot Bruno is just stupid. All the preceding chapters and the last one are written in third-person (limited) omniscient point of view -- it's late and I'm sleepy, but I think I'm correct here; I'll check later. Anyway, the parrot's pov just seemed absurd to me and not necessary. It's like Chabon was trying to make sure his novel fit into some postmodern category or something. I usually like the postmodern, but it didn't work for me this time. Sometimes writers try to be too clever, and this is one of those times.

Okay, I'm off to bed now. I hope everyone has a good Wednesday and the rest of the week. If you find any extra time any where, send some my way.

Good night.

Some Friday Fun

I got this from Brooklyn Kid (formerly South Austin). I think it's a pretty accurate description of me--especially the part about thinking I'm the best. I would probably replace best with smartest though. ;-)

You Are Boston
Both modern and old school, you never forget your roots.
Well educated and a little snobby, you demand the best.
And quite frankly, you think you are the best.
Famous people from the Boston area: Conan O'Brien, Ben Affleck, New Kids on the Block

What American City Are You?

Two Great Books

I LOVE Spring Break! I spent all day finishing Oryx and Crake, no guilt even though I do have grading to do and my own class work to do. I got up this morning, turned the TV on for a while--reading during commercials, of course. When I realized that I had less than 100 pages to go, I turned the TV off and settled in for a day of reading. I finished about an hour ago. What a great day!

If you haven't read Oryx and Crake, I highly recommend it, especially if you like futuristic/apocalyptic stories. In this novel, Atwood has much to say about Western civilization. She takes on our desire for perpetual youth, our need for cure-alls, especially those that come in the form of drugs, our greed, our consumerism, the Internet, and a myriad of other things, good and bad. I am a big fan of all of Atwood's work. I am always amazed by her use of language, and in this novel, she doesn't disappoint. Her choices for the names of companies and products are perfect. I wish I could articulate how I feel about this book, but I think I have to let my ideas percolate for a while.

Last week, I finished reading Frankenstein for the first time, the reading of which put off my reading of O&C. Yes, my students couldn't believe that I had never read it or taught it. I think my reading of Frankenstein, which I really enjoyed, added to my enjoyment of Oryx and Crake. Both novels concern the creation of life as well as the creator's responsibility for the life created. They both also speak to the time in which they were written, and they both speak to a contemporary audience. I'm really glad that I decided to teach Frankenstein this year. Maybe I will pull my copy out of my work bag later and write about some specific passages, but for now, I'm off to enjoy a Spring Break evening and not thinking about work--the best part. :-)

Still Grading but not Wallowing

This post must be brief. I'm still trying to get all my papers graded. I have until 4:00 p.m. tomorrow to do grade changes before report cards are printed, but I'm going to try to stay awake as long as possible tonight to get a bunch done. I have to take a online test tomorrow for work, and I must get my assignments completed for my library science class. Anyway, while I am still grading tonight, I'm not wallowing in bad feelings like last night. Tonight, I feel determined rather than depressed. I have to get caught up so I can make time to blog about some more interesting things. Things like reading Frankenstein, the Basquiat exhibit, The World's Fastest Indian, and procrastination.

Okay, I have to get back to work now. Later.

Wallowing

Once I again, I am sitting in my chair the night before grades are due with a mile-high stack of papers waiting to be graded. Why do I do this to myself? I can't figure it out. Do I just not care enough anymore? I feel bad for my students, who have to wait forever for me to give them papers back. Just last week, I was frustrated by the prof for my library science class--she didn't get our quiz grades posted as fast as I thought she should. How can I complain about someone else when I am the worst? It really depresses me to have to grade so much crap, and my students give me crap more often than not. I'm such a glutton for guilt that I persist in giving them assignments. And I do feel guilty, which contributes a great deal to my guilty feelings. Thank goodness, the other parts of my life are going so well. Otherwise, I might not make it until the morning. I guess I better get back to work now. Good night all!

Finished!

I just finished re-reading Wuthering Heights, finally! I really like Wuthering Heights too, despite its depressing mood. (Notice that I changed the epigraph for this blog to a quote from this great novel.) Although, I had forgotten how spooky the ending is--Heathcliff is haunted to death by his beloved Catherine. I don't think I could turn out the lights just yet, so I thought I would blog a bit. Two posts in one day. I'm not sure I've ever done that before. Speaking of my earlier post, I did enjoy a couple of hours of this beautiful day sitting outdoors reading. I needed to be working, but I just couldn't make myself work. Actually, I was working--re-reading the book my AP students were supposed to have finished by last Thursday--but I needed to be grading and planning. However, reading is the only kind of work that I can make myself do at home anymore. I just can't sit and grade on a beautiful Sunday, or a rainy Saturday for that matter. ;-)

It's late now, and I think I'm over the spooky feelings from WH, so I guess can go to bed now. You know, this post really says nothing interesting at all. I apologize to those who took the time to read it. I should delete it, but I can't/won't. ???? Sometimes living alone is not such a good thing. I feel like staying up late and talking to someone, but there's no one here except me so I wrote this boring, meaningless post. Enough of this drivel. Good night all.

A Gloriously Beautiful Day

I don't know what the weather is like where you are, but in Houston, it is absolutely beautiful today. I generally don't like spring/summer days in the winter, especially when we have too little winter, but I can't get over how beautiful it is today. I just want to be outside forever on a day like today. I do have work to do--papers to grade, an apartment to clean--but I may have to walk down to the neighborhood park and read for a while.

A quickie

Is that how you spell that? No, I'm not writing about sex, just a quick post. I have been so lax in reading and writing lately. Last week, I started my first course for my degree in library science. It's just an introductory course, but it's online and a bit daunting at first--so much basic stuff to do and do in a certain order. My grade for the first module (set of assignments) should be posted today or tomorrow. So, the course has kept me distracted from blogs and blogging lately, but other things are to blame too.

I still can't seem to get ahead at work, yet I'm still working from the time I get to work until I leave. Last week, I stayed late almost every night (Valerie & I carpal, you know, and she needed to let her yearbook students work late to meet their fast approaching deadlines), but I still didn't get caught up enough to relax about my work. Argh!!! I have to try to get a library job next year. I would rather drive myself crazy learning a new job than planning & grading.

To prove that I've been completely distracted, I finished Ireland last week and have read only 2 or 3 pages of Oryx and Crake, but I have re-read almost all of Wuthering Heights for my AP class. I feel lost not having time to read. I'm going to have to figure out a schedule for working on my course so that I still have some time to read each night. Lack of my own personal reading time is another reason why I have to be brave and try to get into a library position for next school year.

Well, I have to go now. I'm driving this week, and it's time to go pick up Valerie. I will write more later. Have a great day!

A New Year

I can't believe that I haven't posted anything since Christmas morning. I feel like my Christmas break just flew by in a whirl of activity. I think that I had the best holiday break that I have had in a very long time--little stress, lots of fun, plenty of time spent just enjoying my life.

Now, I am back at work and about to begin work on a library science degree. I got accepted to the University of North Texas online library science program. I am very excited and can't wait to get started. I really believe that I will becoming a librarian is a good choice for me. I am such a book nerd. I have even started cataloging my own books on LibraryThing. When I heard about this site, in a comment on a post from Book World, I was intrigued. Once I had added a couple of books to my catalog, I was hooked. I can't wait for the first rainy Saturday or Sunday to spend the day completing my catalog.

Well, I guess that enough blogging for tonight. I have to get up early tomorrow. I hope everyone has a good week this week. Later.

Merry Christmas!

This week has been busy with some really good things, a quick trip to San Antonio and my birthday celebration, and some really discouraging things, my car troubles; all of which I will blog about later I'm sure. Now, I have to stop piddling around and get ready for my 3 hour drive to see my family. I hope everyone who celebrates Christmas has a wonderful day. I also wish a wonderful day to all those to whom this is just another Sunday. :-)

Happy Birthday to Me!

For many years now, I have wanted to hide under the covers and let this day pass with no ceremony. This year, though, I decided that I needed to celebrate with people. Truly, I needed an excuse to get dressed up, go out for a really nice dinner, and afterward go to a club for live music and more drinks. So Valerie organized a group of friends to go out tonight for a girls' night out on the town. We are going to have such a great time. I'm very excited, surprisingly so.

I'm so excited about tonight that I will not even let these fact about my life get me down today:

1. My car is in the shop having $300+ repairs done.
   
2. My bathtub is a complete mess thanks to the maintenance man's "major problem" while unstopping the drain. The plumber was supposed to be here 30 minutes ago. :-( I'm sure I will need to do some surface cleaning when the plumber/maintenance man finally get the problem fixed. What if the problem can't be fixed today? Yikes. I don't even want to think about that.
   
3. I have a doctor's appointment at 4:15--yearly check of my thyroid, so not a stressful appointment, but still I have to figure out how to get there and back and get ready in time for people to show up at my apartment.
   
4. I still have to figure out my whole outfit for tonight. I bought a pretty sweater yesterday, but I have to figure out which pants to wear--not a fun activity when you're overweight.
   
5. I still have to finish my Christmas shopping. I guess I will do that tomorrow though.
   

Whew! Just making that list wears me out and makes me anxious. Oh well, there's always tomorrow. Besides some of this is beyond my control, and I really don't want to worry about anything much today. Today, I will just be happy that it's my birthday and that I have friends who are willing to go out and celebrate with me.

TGIF!

Ahhhh! Today is the last day of the semester. One thing I love about being a teacher is the work calendar. Of course, I will still have that calendar when I become a school librarian.

There's the phone--Valerie is on her way so I have to go now. I hope everyone has a great Friday. Later.

My Answers

I guess I have waited long enough to share my answers. Valerie pretty much got them all, but the rest of you were close too.

* submissive, but I can be dominant in certain situations
* logical
* loner - I wish I were more social.
* vanilla actions - kinky thoughts ;-)
* sophisticated
* puppy
* warm flannel sheets or sleek satin - a hard one for me, neither really, but if I have to choose, I will pick flannel. Satin is too slippery; I might slide out of bed.
* leader but I wish I could learn to keep my mouth shut like Valerie. :-)
* talkative, but if I'm around people I don't know, then I am very quiet.
* planned
* football -- Go Cowboys!!!
* golfing -- another hard one. I grew up on the golf course and love to watch it on tv, but I've been hiking in Big Bend twice and love that too.
* tequila or vodka - WINE - Tequila has been my nemesis, so I don't partake anymore. I will drink margaritas though. I really never drink vodka, never have.
* bottom
* shoes
* jeans
* rough
* aware
* nerd and proud to be one! What Penny said is true, I do love books more than computers.

My Turn

I stole this from Valerie stole who stole it from someone else. Maybe enough readers will participate to make it interesting. I'm not sure that I have enough regular readers.

Pick ONE from each pair that you think describes me the best & leave it in the comments. Then copy this and post it in your own journal to see how your friends view you.

* dominant or submissive
* logical or intuitive
* social or loner
* kinky or vanilla
* cute or sophisticated
* kitten or puppy
* warm flannel sheets or sleek satin
* leader or follower
* quiet or talkative
* spontaneous or planned
* football or chess
* hiking or golfing
* tequila or vodka
* top or bottom
* barefoot or shoes
* jeans or Dockers
* tender or rough
* aware or dreamy
* nerd or geek

Desert Places

Desert Places
by: Robert Frost

Snow falling and night falling fast, oh, fast
In a field I looked into going past,
And the ground almost covered smooth in snow,
But a few weeds and stubble showing last.

The woods around it have it--it is theirs.
All animals are smothered in their lairs.
I am too absent-spirited to count;
The loneliness includes me unawares.

And lonely as it is that loneliness
Will be more lonely ere it will be less--
A blanker whiteness of benighted snow
With no expression, nothing to express.

They cannot scare me with their empty spaces
Between stars--on stars where no human race is.
I have it in me so much nearer home
To scare myself with my own desert places.

From A Further Range, 1936

Thanks to Bookworld for sending me to read this poem. I think it speaks to how I feel today. Frost, of course, said it so much better than I could ever say it.

After having had a very nice Thanksgiving day with family and night with my sister Susy at the casino, I spent last night in a hotel, alone of course, and woke up this morning with the realization that this is where I will wake up on Christmas morning. Now, I’m no longer looking forward to Christmas.

Yesterday, I enjoyed the theater of the filling out of wish lists and the drawing of names for gifts in my large family. I was excited about buying some things for my niece Barbara, whose name I drew. Then I woke up this morning and felt completely alone. The thought of waking in this desert place on Christmas morning with no sign of Christmas just makes me want to cry.

I feel like I have been unhappy for the last two or three years. Feelings of happiness visit on occasion, but they never move in and stay for long at all. I decided a couple of weeks ago that I am tired of being unhappy and that I must figure out a way not to be. So here are my options for Christmas morning: 1) go on a vacation trip that I really can’t afford but will take my mind off being lonely, maybe; 2) wake up at home alone at Christmas where I will at least see the accoutrements of the holiday then drive to J'ville for the exchanging of gifts and the eating of way too much food; 3) get very drunk on eggnog on Christmas Eve and sleep through Christmas day. I’m sure someone can add to my options. Any or all suggestions will be considered.

Home-y Feelings

For a while now, I have been feeling like I need to create a home. I am single and childless, and usually okay with that situation, but lately I have been wishing that I was not single or childless. I wish I had someone to make a home for. I have been thinking a lot about cooking and homemaking kinds of things. I don't know what's going on with me. I have been wanting to read home/decorating magazines. I have thought several times about having some kind of party, like an open house with egg nog and Christmas treats. I have really felt like cooking. I have cooked complete meals on several occasions recently. Luckily, I did have Valerie to share some of those meals with, otherwise I would have wasted too much food because I can never cook just enough for me.

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and I wish I had room to be the hostess for my family or had my own family to cook for. Since I have neither, I will travel 3 hours to Jacksonville. My older brother and his wife are the family hosts this year. Except for the drive, I'm really looking forward to the visit, but I do wish I had room for everyone here. Anyway, I am cooking 2 things for tomorrow--Corn-Rice Casserole and Pound Cake. Yummy!!!

I hope everyone has a great Thanksgiving. I was thinking about posting a cheesy what-am-I-thankful-for list, but I couldn't think of more than a couple of things to put on that list, so I gave up. I might still try that later. Now, I guess I better get started cooking. I have to pack later too.

One More Day

Tomorrow is the last day of work before Thanksgiving break. I can't wait to start breaking. Woohoo!!!! ;-)

Something for Sunday

I just finished my Statement of Purpose and Goals for my application to University of North Texas library science program--it's an online program that is ALA certified. I have been completely preoccupied with the application process this week and just a bit stressed. After I send off the statement and some other final application items, I will have to just wait for acceptance or rejection. I'm not sure how I will react if I'm rejected. I have already been accepted at UH Clear Lake, so either way, I will be taking classes in the Spring. I've been almost giddy all week when I've completed each step of the application process. I think I'm more excited than my students are, and they've never been to college. Go figure.

The next big step is figuring out how to pay for college. I hate the thought of borrowing, but I know that I will likely have to do so. Of course, I have really bad credit, so I don't even know if I'll be able to get loans. I might have to starve some. Thank god, I don't have a car payment. My poor Altima with almost 250,000 miles is going to have to last me for quite a while yet. I have always taken decent care of it, but I will have to baby it from now on. Maybe I will ask for money for family Christmas gifts.

Of course, I have procrastinated a bit here and there during the week. I read Daisy Miller by Henry James. (I have decided that novella will be my AP students' holiday homework between semesters this year.) The funny thing about the copy that I checked out from the school library: the introduction is almost as long as the novel. Sadly, it tells the whole story. The copies that I get for my students will not do that, I hope. I really enjoyed the story anyway. I like the character of Daisy Miller. She is very much the head-strong American woman who wants to have her own way but also wants to do the proper things. I'm anxious to see how today's teenagers react to her. Also, I think she makes a great lead-in to a unit that includes Wuthering Heights, The Awakening, and Their Eyes Were Watching God. All great novels with great female characters. I love teaching AP literature, but more importantly, I love reading these novels.

I spent part of this afternoon reading some of The Secret Garden, which I bought for my niece but haven't mailed yet. I did go to the post office on Friday intending to mail it, but it was Veteran's Day so no mailing. I must mail it tomorrow. I had missed her birthday--she's a first grader--and had mentioned to her mother that I would put something in the mail. I completely forgot about saying that and when I went to my niece's son's birthday party last week. My little niece asked me about her present. I wish someone had told me earlier that she had been checking the mail every day. I felt so bad. I hope she likes the book; it's one of my favorites from my childhood. I think I will stop by Half-Priced books and get a copy for myself. I really want to re-read it.

Now, I have to tell something extremely funny about myself. Friday evening on the way home from work, Valerie and I stopped at Target so I could buy a gift for my niece's baby shower, which I was going to on yesterday. Yesterday, I got up and started to get ready to go to the shower. I was very upset by the fact that I had no hot water. After calling the answering service for my apartment complex's management office, I learned that mgmt. knew there was no hot water on Friday, had a plumber out, but the problem wasn't repaired. I was extremely angry about not being warned about the lack of hot water for the weekend. However, I didn't have time to waste. I had to dress and drive three hours to get to the baby shower. I called Valerie and borrowed her shower, came home, got dressed, and headed out of town. When I'm heading to J'ville, my sister Susy will usually call me to see what my timetable is. I knew she had to work Saturday morning, so I wasn't worried about her not calling. As I backed out of my parking spot, I dialed her number. I told her that I was just leaving, but I had to stop by Walgreens for a gift bag. She said, "Where are you going?" I told her that I was coming to the shower. She told me the shower is November 19--next Saturday. I laughed so hard that I literally cried. I have had dreams before about showing up for work or other events on the wrong day, and I have woken on a weekend day, panicked that I had overslept for work. I have never gotten dressed for something and headed to it on the wrong day. I'm such an IDIOT! I never even looked at the date on the invitation. Duh!!

I guess that's all I have for this Sunday post. I hope everyone has a great week. I will spend mine counting down the days to next week's Thanksgiving break, a needed week off for me. Later.