Friday, March 11, 2005

A Whiny End to Spring Break

I am having a horrible end to this Spring Break. I’m staying with my dad while my sister Susy, his caretaker, & her 2 children are visiting Susy’s best friend & her family. I wanted to help Susy and give here a break from Dad, but I should have feigned illness or something. Too bad my work trip didn’t last the whole week.

<>My dad is disgusting. Last night, he shit on the floor in the bathroom then tracked it down the hall to his bedroom. He never hits the toilet with his urine anymore. He should be in a nursing home NOW! Not 9-12 months from now, which is when a new nursing home will be open down the street. While I was cleaning it up, I had all these horrible thoughts about him. I realized that I can not love the man he has become. I think I hate him now. That’s a horrible thought, I know. I still love the man he was when I was growing up, but he’s no longer that man--no longer a man of life. I wish that I was more selfish and didn’t appreciate Susy’s sacrifice so much, then I could call her and tell her that I have to leave and she will have to cut her vacation short. I’ve even thought about trying to convince my other sister Kelly & her husband to stay Saturday night, so I could go home tomorrow night. I just can not stand for Dad to be in the same room with me, and I certainly don’t want him to touch me or me to touch him. This morning, he fell, and Kelly & I had to help him up. Just the thought of touching him made me gag. <>

Damn. There he goes into the bathroom again. He absolutely makes me sick. He will come out with his pants wet, and leave the most nauseating smell you can imagine. I don’t see how Susy and her kids live with him everyday. I just want to run out of here and never come back. As a matter of fact, I hope Susy has a great time this weekend, because I will never do this again. I just can not stand it. <>

Well, I guess that’s enough whining and self pitying for now. Maybe I will go to bed early and read some Shirley Hazzard’s The Great Fire.

1 comment:

Cassie said...

I realize this is old, and you don't know me.

But I kind of know what you're going through. My friend has to take care of her grandfather while her parents are out doing their late-forties-partying. I don't know exactly what he has, but he also misses the toilet bowl and he falls a lot. She kind of feels the way you did, when you wrote this.

She loved who he was, but can't stand what he was becoming.